Excerpt from Chapter: “Life Goes On”

Published November 3, 2017

If my plate was not full enough, my mother, with whom I was very
close and who had been my greatest cheerleader in this process,
quickly began to deteriorate. She had had cancer about 6 years earlier, and
as she was undergoing treatment, I had promised I would make her a
grandmother, to give her some hope to hang on to. Now, not only was I
failing in my quest for motherhood, but I was failing at my promise to her,
as well. She became weaker each day and was now bedridden; time seemed
to be running out all around. I felt helplessness in my quest for motherhood,
and now I was trying to silence my fears about losing my mother.
Despite my efforts to repress all these feelings, they surfaced continually. I
often wondered which would come first—the baby or my mother’s death?
Most of all, I couldn’t bear the idea that after all we’d been through, my
mother would not be here to share in our joy should we be successful.